Unease and irritation.

So this week of March is definitely... different.
Remember two days in particular, the 17th and 19th. Yeah. The certain days with CC.

The title seems to match just exactly how I'm feeling at this point. All cards out on the table, I needa vent this shit and not need to worry about if it makes people think this or that. Get sad. Or mad. Or just anything negative. I'm tired of trying to fit into everyone's life now. Trying to perfect myself. Yes, I act like I have control. Try burying myself in my studies. Not showing emotion as much as I usually would. Put up the constant walls. Act fair. Try being the better person. But fuck it. I want what I want for once! Please. Just once, I would want everything that I feel strongly about. I want that guy that I'm practically head over heels for. But I want him. Just HIM. No other add ons. No other girls on him. I don't want to be second place anymore. I deserve better than that from him. Or at least someone else that can show me different. WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE? I keep running into relationships at the wrong time. The feeling is so right to me. Yet, I'm pushed aside still because there's someone else in this bullshit of an equation. I sit here and act as if I'm strong enough to get through this. Get through the emotional beating its putting me through when the mere image of her next to you pops into my mind. &Won't leave. I try my hardest, I do. But I feel I deserve more than that. I need someone who needs just me. Just. me. I can feel a knot in the middle of my chest that I'm trying so hard to choke down. Have calm recollective... NO. Fuck that.


I need someone that can be there for me.
That needs me just as much too.
I need someone that can give me himself fully.
I need. I need. I fucking need a break from this shit.
I need someone to actually tell me straight up that they're willing to build something with me.
Something strong. Something reliable. Something I feel I need after all I've been put through lately.