Self control.

So I came pretty close to blasting on Justin over the phone and now I feel way horrible- I'm sorry. I hung up on him before it could get any worse than what it was starting to become.
Sighh. It's just that I've been frustrated by the same thing for the past what? Three weeks about.

I don't want to confront anyone or act like a jerk to the people that treat me this way to begin with & I can't just BE mean to someone. It's not how I handle things.

If anyone treats me unwell, I tend to just ignore it and still be the better person. I don't like to fight. I don't like to treat anyone bad. If anything, I try my hardest to be calm &centered around those few I dislike.
Yes, I know they dislike me and yes, it does hurt a bit- but I can't just stoop down to the same level.

You tell me to treat them bad back. Let them know that I know just exactly what they say behind my back.
But I can't. I choose to just ignore it and try moving on from it.

You tell me to confront them.
I would confront them if I could but you know what? If I did that, it would only make it awkward because the link between all of us is too connected. No matter what happens, we'll all still run in the same circle and I would hate having that tension in the air.

You ask me why I still treat them well after all they've done.
It's because I can't hate them. I can't. I honestly don't hate anybody. I can dislike. But nothing farther than that has ever crossed me. &In comes everything I've learned from youth group, pre-con classes, and from those who're around me. All their lectures and words have advice have never gone to waste. I treat those as I wanted to be treated.
&If they don't treat me well in the end, even after all I have done, at least I know that I have tried and did not lose my temper over something not worth wasting time and effort over.

Overall, my feeling is indifferent.