I don't know why I seem to keep taunting myself with the image of you and her in my head. Maybe it's just because everything's going too good for me now, that I need some realism to slap me good and hard in the face.
&Couple the torture with a bit of sad music, the dead quiet of my house, and a little bit of imagination...
And voila~~ I'm pretty upset outta my mind.
I still don't know why I do this to myself but in the end, I'm hoping that all my efforts go to something meaningful and worth something to my future and quite possibly OUR future, if anything. Sadly though, after my reflection of looking at everything there is before us, I'm scared out of my mind again.
All I can do at this point is hope and give this chance my best effort.
I just wish you would clue me in on just you were feeling.
I hate ambiguous answers though.
In my head, this is a played out conversation we've fought over numerous times.
I just can't think of anything that will help me win if I actually laid out my thoughts because I value your feelings and your position in this whole situation more than my own.
It bothered me how I looked at your myspace and nothing about me appeared. Honestly- I don't even know why that bothered me so much but it did. My immaturity and sudden spurts of low self esteem drive me crazy.
Quite honestly, I detest nights when I can't sleep. Or nights where I feel like I can't go to sleep until I have everything figured out for the day. Or nights when I don't have the phone cradled to my ear with you sleeping on the other line.
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