Valentine's Day. <3

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! (:

So this day was pretty chill even though some previous plans were cancelled last minute.
The original plan was to go out until 3PMish so I could come home and babysit the kids.

I ended up having to run errands with my mom and dropping my brother off at his girlfriend's house;
Sighh, it made me a little irritated but that was fine. &By the time all of this was done, my original plans with Justin to just chill got cancelled because since I wasn't home, he went to work instead of calling in sick. asdfghjkl!

So I ended up going to Pasta Pomodoro with the fam and then heading to Safeway to get snacks for the night.
It was a plus since Justin was on his lunch break when we came; haha.
Ended up ditching my family while they shopped- me&Justin walked next door to get food for him;
PFFT. It WOULD be chinese takeout though, like alwaaaaaaays. Hahaha.

After Safeway- the fam and me came back home and I helped my mom get ready to go out for her date.

Theeeeeeeen; I killled time until 7ish and I watched "A Walk to Remember" on ABC Family.
MAN. Best movie ever; still made me smile. :D
*People hella kept calling me during the movie too- I kept focusing more on the movie with "Awww" and "He's so cuuuute!". Blah, that girlish immature junk, yennoe.

&Voilaaaa! Time passed by fast until it was 9.30ish and Justin got off work and came by.
Whooo; now we got the movie night started, haha. (:
Hella had to search for movies at both of our houses because I couldn't find the hella good ones around my house cause there are too many places to look here. -_-

Haha, and btw- I like the puppet which at first I thought was just a regular stuffed animal.
Waaaaah; it SINGS. Aha- it hella scared me when I squeezed the mouth accidentally.
Nobody had any idea it sung but now that all my sisters know-
They play it constantly over and over.... and over and over again... ]:<

But it's all good. (:

Self control.

So I came pretty close to blasting on Justin over the phone and now I feel way horrible- I'm sorry. I hung up on him before it could get any worse than what it was starting to become.
Sighh. It's just that I've been frustrated by the same thing for the past what? Three weeks about.

I don't want to confront anyone or act like a jerk to the people that treat me this way to begin with & I can't just BE mean to someone. It's not how I handle things.

If anyone treats me unwell, I tend to just ignore it and still be the better person. I don't like to fight. I don't like to treat anyone bad. If anything, I try my hardest to be calm &centered around those few I dislike.
Yes, I know they dislike me and yes, it does hurt a bit- but I can't just stoop down to the same level.

You tell me to treat them bad back. Let them know that I know just exactly what they say behind my back.
But I can't. I choose to just ignore it and try moving on from it.

You tell me to confront them.
I would confront them if I could but you know what? If I did that, it would only make it awkward because the link between all of us is too connected. No matter what happens, we'll all still run in the same circle and I would hate having that tension in the air.

You ask me why I still treat them well after all they've done.
It's because I can't hate them. I can't. I honestly don't hate anybody. I can dislike. But nothing farther than that has ever crossed me. &In comes everything I've learned from youth group, pre-con classes, and from those who're around me. All their lectures and words have advice have never gone to waste. I treat those as I wanted to be treated.
&If they don't treat me well in the end, even after all I have done, at least I know that I have tried and did not lose my temper over something not worth wasting time and effort over.

Overall, my feeling is indifferent.

"Close eyes. Breathe. Save me."

Last monday in pre-confirmation class, our instructor asked our class if any of us were hot- tempered sometimes.
Immediately- me, Aldren, Marny, &a bunch of other kids raised our hands.
Hell; it's true though. I can get VERY hot- tempered at times so of course my hand would be the highest raised one there...sighh. -_-;

&Our instructor started talking about how we should control our tempers; to keep things chill &under control. No cussing. No physical junk. None of that meeeeeess.
Instead- she told us to breathe in and out, stand still, &say "Lord, save me."

During class, I kinda scoffed at this. I mean, really. How can that exactly calm anyone down right?
I was more focused on joking around in the back of the classroom with Aldren E.&Justin R. ; haha. (:
Marny needs to move her seat to where we sit! Haha, if she did, oh man. It's OVER. :DDDD

But YEAH. Back to the calming down thing- even though it seemed really silly, I've been doing it alot lately. I've been so frustrated and mad lately. &I just hate it when people put me down or don't believe the things I'm honestly serious about.

&Lately, I've been annoyed out of my mind. Sighh. So I spend most of my time being quiet now and trying to calm down. "Close eyes. Breathe. Lord, save me."
Then I've been praying more than usual too... hm.

I actually had to do this a bunch of times yesterday, especially last night. Man.

I know that my usual character wouldn't do all of this but idk.
I like it. A lot.

I blame the rain.

Today made me feel so gloomy &outta it. Ughhhh.
It kept raining so hard and everything. Grrr.

&To make it worse, Justin's car wasn't starting! Aw maaaaan.
It never starts when it rains hella hard; should hella start parking INSIDE.
But wait, nvm. No room. -_-;

But yeah, Philip even came over to jump start his car and it STILL didn't work.
Kept at it for a good twenty minutes before everyone just gave up.

After that, everyone went to go jam at Minnie's.
I only stayed for a little bit though before I left with Sean, Philip, &Patrick.
They dropped me off home cause I had a Passion Play meeting at Auntie Gene's at 7pm.
I live like, right down the street from them so it was hella convenient; haha.

Blah, blah, blaaaaaaah. Killed about an hour before I went to practice.

&Then Edmund picked me up for Auntie Gene's.
Btw- HAPPY BIRTHDAY EDMUND! :D<3

The meeting was pretty chill; had fun with everyone. (:
I was kinda sad though cause Emil, JP, Ian, and some of the other people weren't there. :[
Laaaaaaaaaame, I know.

But HEY! Phil came to the meeting around tenish, so that was a pretty good thing. Haha.
He threatened to come to my house tmrw morning and blare his horn with the police cruiser. -_-;

&Justin picked me up afterwaaaaaards. Haha.

His name comes up a whole bunch in my blogs. Hmphhhh; whatever.
I'm still mad at him. ]:<

Errands.

So today was all right. (: Did bunches of errands with Justin so that was pretty fun.
He kept on thinking I was bored and junk but- NO. I hella never get bored easily when we hang out- hella dope. Aha. Went to the apple store to get his iphone fixed; but noooooo. Its still not turning on or anything, hella wack. So now he's gotta stick to his ghetto freaking blackberry with the taped up battery. :D
Haha. Laaaaaaame. But HEY! Just don't switch to Tmobile, man! Cause if you do- how will I ever call you?! Minutes are gonna be WASTED. ]:<

Spent HELLA long at that one boba shop.
Justin was on the phone the entire time calling up people cause it was part of his errands.
&I just sat there playing iminlikewithyou the entire time. :D
Freaking thai milk tea was hella good btw. (:

&Hmmm. What else? Went to his school to try selling his books but it turned out that he couldn't sell them until finals in May. Aww. Hella wasted timeeee.



**OH! I saw another Anthony lookalike at DVC too; haha. Hella funny. I was all tripping out in my head cause I always think its way trippy when I see similar faces.

Church Updaaaaates.

So the Passion Play audition at church today was hella fuuuuuuuuuuun. (:

I'm so excited for call backs on Wednesday. I have my fingers hella crossed! I really want one of those main leads, maaaaaaan. Like- you have no idea. :D

&Btw, Tess Singzon makes a peeeeerfect acting partner. SERIOUSLY. When all of us were waiting in the narthax to have our names called in by Angela and them, I practiced with Tess. &We got called in to audition together- hella EPIC.
We make good partners. (: In the audition, I played "Allison" who is the more girly girl that isn't as religious as her bestfriend, Marianne. Tess of course played Marianne. (:

We were given three scenarios to act out:

1. [Act as if Allison had just won the lottery and is telling Marianne all about it.]
This one was pretty funny. I attacked Tess on the floor and jumped on her a couple of times. We were pretty loud about this scenario too, I felt completely at ease. Angela was worried about us breaking something with all the jumping I was doing on Tess but don't worry- nothing's broken!

2. [Act out Scene Four in the "Thy Will Be Done" script but just wing the whole conversation.]
This one was a little awkward. Haha, I kept on referring back to the script in the back of my mind and it was hard to speak straight out without it sounding like the actual script. Scene four is one of the scenes I remembered the most and I could tell Tess was kinda lost on it too. Haha, ohwell. We were lost together!

3. [Act as if Allison had just broken up with her boyfriend &you're venting to Marianne about it.]
THIS ONE WAS THE BEST. :D I acted as if I was calling Tess on the phone and I started to bawl my eyes out and pretend as if I really was depressed. A little bit of yelling and crying in frustration on my side... &couple that with Tess's perfect acting and quick responses to how my character was behaving-- it was so hard not to smile.

Hellyeah. We made a good team. (:

****After auditions, I had pre-confirmation class @7pm, so I stayed at the church with everyone. It was pretty fun &class went by fast since during some of the class, we got to talk about Passion Play. Hella hyped me up.
REMINDER: I have to write a report on communion for the next pre-con class!

The breakdown.

I don't know why I seem to keep taunting myself with the image of you and her in my head. Maybe it's just because everything's going too good for me now, that I need some realism to slap me good and hard in the face.

&Couple the torture with a bit of sad music, the dead quiet of my house, and a little bit of imagination...

And voila~~ I'm pretty upset outta my mind.

I still don't know why I do this to myself but in the end, I'm hoping that all my efforts go to something meaningful and worth something to my future and quite possibly OUR future, if anything. Sadly though, after my reflection of looking at everything there is before us, I'm scared out of my mind again.
All I can do at this point is hope and give this chance my best effort.
I just wish you would clue me in on just you were feeling.
I hate ambiguous answers though.

In my head, this is a played out conversation we've fought over numerous times.
I just can't think of anything that will help me win if I actually laid out my thoughts because I value your feelings and your position in this whole situation more than my own.

It bothered me how I looked at your myspace and nothing about me appeared. Honestly- I don't even know why that bothered me so much but it did. My immaturity and sudden spurts of low self esteem drive me crazy.

Quite honestly, I detest nights when I can't sleep. Or nights where I feel like I can't go to sleep until I have everything figured out for the day. Or nights when I don't have the phone cradled to my ear with you sleeping on the other line.

The quiet

Makes it so much easier to write.
I just started out making another piece since I noticed I haven't written much since Poetry Slam.
This is what I started out with so far &I'll post the full version when I'm finished.
This is subject to change btw.

"This unmistakable bliss of infatuation drives my senses
Into a mode of bittersweet satisfaction
My lips are pursed, eyes slowly watching your every action
Hands unsteady, I'm taken over by pulses of raging excitement
How I took to you so quickly; it's so hard to imagine
So astounded by what your presence has done to the very root of me
How your gaze breaks and shatters all walls and boundaries;
No strings attached, no games left to play
My actions show just how frightened I am to float away..."

But hey! I never said I was any goooooood. (:

&GOODNESS. I needa get offa iminlikewithyou.com.
Like, seriously. I'm feeling kinda pathetic since I've been on that almost every time I'm on the computer now. Sheesh.

And btw, good morning. <3

If insomnia could kill;

Now that would be lovely. Well actually, ahh. Nah.
But insomnia does bug me right now, sighh.

&I have class tomorrow and I'm sure I have a tons load of work to make up for the days or actually WEEKS I've missed. But for once, I'm actually looking forward to doing the work though. These past few weeks, I've slacked to the extremes and I really am set on turning that around. &I changed my schedule around at school so its not too bad anymore. I switched my computer tech training class to a drama class and yes, I know it's somewhat of a downgrade from what I really wanted- but it's fine with me. I know that my original plan was to keep the computer tech class to help me for later on when I graduated, since I wanted to enter a field mainly focused on computers, but I'm too far behind everyone else to catch up at this point. Ohwell; next year for sure, I'll try it out. Unless my plans change of course. But drama is fine since its something interesting and acting is pretty fun.

Which reminds me! AHHHH! The last Passion Play audition is tomorrow as well.
3pm-6pm @St. Catherines.
I'm not sure if it's being held in the narthax or rectory though...
Most likely it's the rectory though, for sure.

So my plans are pretty much as follows, I guess: school, audition, home.
Wow. I need to start branching out so I have more things to take up my time. Sighh.

&I still needa fit Justin somewhere in the schedule... HAHA.
M'kidding. He HAS to go to auditions with me tomorrow FOR SURE.
No more flaking out on meeeeee. Sweaaaaar;; even if I needa walk to your house tmrw- I'll do it.
You're going! ]:<

Hate the rain.

I hate, hate, haaaaaaate it. So today was pretty boring. I got woken up by Justin's dad this morning; hahaha. Hella random- he called me outta nowhere cause Justin didn't go to work today and blah blaaaaah. HMPH! Which reminds me, Justin still needs to call me back cause he's making me SUPER annoyed/mad right now. Grrr. Then spent hella long at walmart with my mom&sisters. AHHH. I saw Robert Weinstein. Haha, been hella long since I saw him. So that was a pretty cool ass surprise. Hmmm; &now I'm back home again. Sighhh.

This is so LAME. I was supposed to go to the movies tonight with Monica<3 but she had to bail out. Ohwell, it's okay thou. Hella rain check that junk for next time! (:

&Now I'm on aim. Wow Anthony.
*I'll be sure to get you that 7cents. Haha.

asdfghjkl!

So I finally made one of these blog things. It's kinda weird actually cause I'm always too lazy to write in one of these daily; I have a feeling I'll give this up sooner or later. Hah- ohwell. I mostly made one just cause I wanted to follow my bestfriend, Monica Chong's, blog... who I seriously need to talk to and straighten things out with. I feel horrible. ]: But no worries! I'll try visiting vhs FOR SURE sometime! ]:<>